Monday, April 14, 2014

First.

Its been almost a month, and I've been trying to pull myself together and though its hard, deep down, I know, I can do this.


Its just that this is my first one that I really care, and I never thought it hurts so badly and I've been trying my hardest. The hardest.


I just need to break my routines and find distractions.


And maybe, manage a proper sleeping pattern.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Just like them old stars.




                           I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am


So beautifully covered. 
 My all time favorite.


Goodnight, take care.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Tried. Failed. Try Again.

I've been staring at my iPhone for a good 5 minutes, trying to pull myself up, to actually write something here.

But, everytime I tried, something holds me back..'no dont write that, no, too much information, you'll regret writing that...'

I'm not sad. I'm not happy either. I can't feel anything at times.

During the day, I can laugh joke smile like everything's normal but at night or early in the morning when I woke up for my subuh prayers, I just felt something missing. Like I'm missing something. Then I go through and survive the day, then came night time, alone in my room, and the cycle repeats. 

Something's missing, and I know exactly what it is. I just can't tell it out loud, I dont want to. I need to keep this to myself. 

I promised to stay strong and I swear I tried my hardest to not be bother, to not check, to not wait, to not care, to not remember, to not be reminded, to not shed a tear... I swear, I did.



But, I'm sorry, I can't. I can't

.... I tried, I can't.




Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Put a little faith.

I admit, I'm not the nicest girl, nor the one with the best behaviour nor the one wearing the most labuh hijab. I'm not. I just had another ears piercing out of boredom today and I'm feeling rebellious for god sake. But, that's not the point.


I learn to be better everyday and I'm glad I'm surounded with all these people who gave me such an impact and inspiration to be better.

One example is my kakak usrah. I had a usual usrah session tonight. We talked about the tafseer of Surah Al-Buruj and some other things.

One thing, that hit me the most tonight, is
when she said, all the things that has been happening to us has been planned so well by our Creator up there. I knew it all along, but I dont know why, this time around, it really hits me.

How Allah gave us such headaches and problems and musibah's to our country or ourselves right now because He loves us so dearly. Because He wanted us to come back to Him and pray, ask Him anything and He would granted it, inshaAllah.

How Allah wanted to let us know, that He never forgets us. How if He let us live happily ever after without difficulties in our lives we might got leka and lalai or worst, forgets Him. 

How He kept on bugging us with all these hurdles because He wanted to remind us that He's there and we should just go talk to Him. He might not answer it directly or immediately, but He listens. He knows what to do. We just have to wait and do our thing (read:usaha)



I know its easier said than done. But after all this, I realized, Allah just love us so much to 'bless' us with such obstacles in our lives. We just gotta put a little extra faith in Him.

All this also reminds me of something. I once told, a hmm friend of mine that I'd make doa for his well-being, but, only to be told off that its better if we make doa for them, secretly. I read about it before but I still tell them if I make doa for them, cause I feel like letting they know that I care and they're on my mind. But then, I stop doing that anymore. I let my doa be my secrets and it feels so much better. 

Honestly, I know I'm the last person to preach about all this and you probably know stuffs way more than I do but this is something I wrote very humbly. And please do correct me, if I'm wrong. 

I had such a rough week, my grandmother passed away last Monday and there are few other things on my mind that distracted me so badly. 
I got really sad on both occasions and I dont know what to do.




But, I know now, I think. And I hope He listens very well cause this noob girl right here, got a lot to tell and ask Him things.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Take care.

After some recent event that happened and shocked people all over the world,

sayings like,

'Take care'
'Have a safe flight'
Have a pleasant trip'
'Safe journey'
'Jaga diri elok elok'

or even,

'Happy holidays'


are definitely not just sayings anymore. Now we know kan? Only now we realized kan?

How we took things for granted at times, how we overlooked some things that are being said to us, how we just got to listen at times.

That 'I love you' sayings might come in various ways and form that are always gone unnoticed. You just gotta listen. Hmm,

Anyhow, my heart, prayers and thoughts goes to everyone on board of #MH370. May Allah keep them safe and sound, anywhere they might have been in this world. :(

Such a gloomy day, today.

Suddenly, it hits me, how I used to text and ask my brother his whereabouts, where and what flight his flying, during his early days and lately, it seems like I dont care anymore.

Maybe I should start asking back, every now or then, or everyday, cause hm ye, I'm clingy like that.


Sunday, February 23, 2014

Memories in a mug.

My housemates are out for the night and I'm all alone at home. Locked all doors, closed all windows, switched on all lights, hmm okay, what now? What do I do?

Okay, go inside room. Check phone, instagram, twitter, facebook, hmm nothing interesting. Check whatsapp, hmm no one to talk to also...

Okay, switch on laptop. Scroll movies, hmm watched, watched twice, watched thrice... Scroll Running Man folder, hmm tak de mood nak ketawa ketawa ni lah,

Takpelah, kemas folders in laptop. Kesian laptop, semakin semput. Banyak sangat benda, everything also want to save. Pictures from high school, KTT, KI, First year, Second year, Third year, wedding videos, video Adam and Isaac, downloaded videos of youtube artists and hm, video orang hantar main gitar also got. 

Banyak nya. Where do I start deleting...

Or maybe I wont..

These are memories, and I appreciate memories a lot, especially the ones I like. I dont like deleting stuffs honestly, cause its like deleting memories. I even had a hard time organizing and deleting stuffs from my phone camera roll though it was only a picture of a nasi lemak, cause like I said, its memories. You delete it, you forget it forever, and I dont like that. 

They said, if you want to move on, you have to let go of the past. In my case, I want and I will keep my past, but I'll move on inshaAllah, eventually. Its hard but nothing in the world comes easy ey? Or maybe sometimes, you just have to make a lot of doa, for Allah to ease your process. For Allah to tawar kan your your hati. For Allah, to soothe your heartache.


People grow up, they change, their priorities changes, but that doesn't mean all the memories wasn't real, was it? I learn a lot of these, for this past few months. I got carried away and really emotional at times. And it sucks cause you're not being fair to hmm...to your friend or whoever you're having problems with. 
Just, take one step at a time. Don't run away. Just stay.


Okay? 
Okay :)


Its funny how lately, I got few people asking me whether I'm heartbroken or something. based on hm I dont know how people judge me, they just do. Harhar, trust me, I've been asking myself the same question too. And I dont think I have any solid answer. 


I shall go now.  I'm gonna make myself a mug of hot chocolate, and go watch Ada Apa Dengan Cinta for the umpteenth time and maybe text my housemates, ask them how they're doing, cause I miss them already, and yeah, pray a lot I can make it through the night. Dont anybody dare make prank calls for me tonight. I go tumbuk sorang sorang. Sebab tetiba rasa takut sikit. Goodnight.

Friday, February 14, 2014

10+3+2

   

 Baru genap sebulan. Tapi dah homesick.




Ah. Stop it wa. You're such a baby. 




Mengada2 je semua ni. Mengada sangat.







*najwa is a big and strong girl*
ulang banyak2 kali sampai tidur.



Goodnight.